The Colby Echo

Issue date: 4/13/07 Section: Opinions

Somehow of late, my reading has seemed to showcase a number of items featuring America's favorite/unfavorite doll, Mattel's Barbie. Unless you were reared by a snow goose near Helena, Montana, you probably have had some relationship with the bosomy blond plaything. Even if you're male, you have been expected to feel something about Barbie-fear, loathing, indifference.

The most ambitious Barbie article was by Patt Morrison, a columnist for the Los Angeles Times and a frequent contributor to NPR's Morning Edition. Patt (I wonder what the extra "t" stands for) tells us that Barbie is one of only 34 items in the National Toy Hall of Fame, that her shape is as famous as the Coke bottle's, and that her various "editions" are greeted by collectors with neighs of delight. People buy Barbie as an investment, like, say, Dupont, never breaking the seals on the box as a guarantee of authenticity.

The L.A. Times-person wants finally to be rid of the little symbol, suggesting a lethal injection for starters. But such may not be necessary anyway. A researcher in Great Britain has learned that little girls often dismember their own Barbies in any number of ways-scalping, burning, microwaving.

Still, Morrison, who calls Barbie "a taffy pull with a face," suggests that we all kick in $10 to watch a national Barbie execution. Then everyone would be satisfied with THE END. She concludes her essay by writing, "Just don't let your brother touch her."

The brother-sister thing popped up recently in the comic strip "Hi and Lois." Dot, Ditto's prepubescent twin, has put her Barbie on top of her brother's bed. Ditto is howling with frustration as Dot says, "Ditto is so Barbiephobic."

Of course Dot knows that her brother is wholly nauseated by the doll that has come to represent all that is "girl" in the toy world. Ms. Morrison implies that little girls will fight rather than allow their brothers to "touch" Barbie. But Morrison plays out the conflicted Barbie-feelings of the third-grade set: she (owner) can decapitate her doll, but her brother (interloper) had better not disturb a hair atop her big-eyed face.

And then Time Magazine ran a story on the most recent Barbie (you'd recognize her), claiming the season's "it" toy to be Barbie hooked to an iPod or other MP3. Little girls can listen to their favorite songs, which Barbie will "lip-synch" realistically. Hold a cell phone to her ear and get: "It's Barbie. Yes? Totally. See you in a bit." Time neglects to tell us how much this technologically sophisticated Barbie costs.

My granddaughters are probably ripe for this year's Barbie, but I prefer to give them ponies or sweatshirts. I wish they still liked the $29.95 Tickle Me Elmo. Elmo never said "Totally" in his entire giggly life.

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